I remember stepping into that huge building, Casa Tineretului. My baggage was heavy and so were my feelings, faced with the fact that I did it, I came back. It looked like nothing has changed. Dimmed lights were illuminating the walls, the echo of my steps was filling the space and the memories began to return in bursts.
Happiness was mingled with anticipation and I stood in front of my decision, wondering if it was right.
One year later I got my answer…
There is no proper way to sit down and write about how this year felt for us, neither about what we have learned or what we have not. After all, it is still too early to define the range of our prospect to emerge all the gained knowledge, isn’t it? But at least I can try.
What matters is what we all have inside of us. The change that came and will follow us back home. In the last days we could only wipe our tears and let the family go, all the members at their own side. That is life, that is what you learn. We learned to overthrow the differences that we, just a couple of months before, were holding on so tight. We recognize the glare in all the constructive discussions, or how we like to call them, fights. If this one year would become two, and we would have one more chance to be here and do what we do, we would obey the decision to stay united and loved. But it is just one year. And transience overtook us faster than we expected.
Things to appreciate
Thereafter, we will learn to appreciate the moments, the big ones and the ones that at first sight seemed small, to give them the value that they deserve. The difference between them is deceiving. We will learn about the stories coming from our youth centers, and how the work continued many years after. The young people will have a shelter and a safe space to discover others and themselves. The same way how we did while bewildered going to organize public speech on the topic of human rights. The yearning feeling of going back and getting just one more slice of that cake made out of knowledge will consume us, and we will learn that the decision was right.
Details are important, mrut jan. Smells, aromas, and side notes that you leave in the kitchen. But there will always be some malaka, which will not know if he left an empty glass on the table. And it’s possible that that glass was filled with jin tonic and a lot of ice. The ambulance could pass next to your window each time when you’re speaking on the phone, and people will not understand how. And sometimes you will hear someone singing in the living room, or while showering.
From across the street of Aries 19, late at night, when the whole Timisoara is sleeping, you could see one or two lights still being on. And there were some shadows on the curtain. These shadows have their dreams, oddly they keep them sometimes, but many times they share them. Those shadows would often be late from a common meeting and will need only bi dakka bi dakka to join. They laugh. A lot. And cry. And then laugh again because there was always a hug and a bad joke to suppress the silence.
But believe me, no, really, believe me, all this will matter to you only when it’s time to leave.